Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
