I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
