some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
