Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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