dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
