Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
