did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
