I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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