we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
