She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
