i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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