my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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