we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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