Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
