This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
how do flat chested girls get laid?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
