we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
