At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Fuck appropriateness.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
