I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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