I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I looked at my own cervix.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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