wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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