so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
