I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
In America we eat man semen.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
