i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize