In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
