I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
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I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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