Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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