I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
