I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
