it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
