Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm jealous of your bromance
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
