Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
