this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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