So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
