so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
