What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
