ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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