i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
