We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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