I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis