i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
