You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
