just come out here and I will go home with you...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
