Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
