The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
