I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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