for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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