Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
