Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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