we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
