Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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