a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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