1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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