after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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