belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
