I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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