Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
