I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
