I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
