She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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