he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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