And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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