AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
