uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
