He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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