Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
