you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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