I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
