You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
