Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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