could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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