FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
