wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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