He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
