Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
