i don't like sucking hair
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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