dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
