My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
