Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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