I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
