he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
