I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
